today, at this time.

it is afternoon. i have two hours before class starts. i think i shall use them drifting around the apartment. maybe have a cup of tea or think about doing my hebrew homework or lie in bed for a few minutes and contemplate taking a nap or think about emailing eva or calling bubby or pick out my outfit for school. starting to do many things but not really doing much of anything. this is not horrible, nor is it bad. well, maybe it is a bit despicable, but hardly commendable. it is just a drifting afternoon. i would much prefer to be doing something rather than all these little bits of nothing but my desires and thoughts, as of late*, have been doing little good in terms of motivating towards action. i want to fix this and i plan to fix this and i write out lists and formulate thoughts and develop plans of actions but then the problem again overcomes all efforts to fix it. i think too much and do not enough.

today, this morning, i slept through hebrew class. not all of it. i woke up an hour into class, woke up immediately, as one who realizes she is late for something or forgot to do something has the ability to rouse herself immediately, and then contemplated for ten minutes if i should go back to sleep (my next class being at 4:30 pm) or if i should rush to school and catch the teacher at the end of class to apologize for missing her class.

i, of course, chose to rush to school and apologize to the teacher and get the homework (which i likely won't do) and beat my guilty conscience. i am jewish, after all. my friends have all laughed at me for this.

what will she care? they say. everybody misses class. you mean you went to school, without going to class, for ten minutes, just so you could apologize to your teacher? lame.

but! i say. my teacher! she is so nice. she let me take home and re-do the test because i did badly on it during class. she likes me! i don't want her to get a bad opinion of me.

so i went to school. i took the 49. the windows were bulletproof. i could not see out of them. i apologized to my teacher, saying i slept in, and i know it was disrespectful of me not to come. she gave me a sweet hug and said i need not have come. she said we all sleep in. even her!

then i came home.

i think i shall email iris or eva. i try to only email people with names that begin with vowels. if you don't get an email from me, don't take it personally. i just have moral standards i try to abide by. then i shall pack up my bags and leave this drifting apartment and go to drift in a more productive location^.



*late being a few months. despicable, i know.
^on a side note, i am a spoiled blogger. therefore, i get :( when people do not comment on my posts. hint. hint.